I JUST KEEP DANCING

Via @_meanmachine on IG

Not as many miles as I wanted this week, but it’s been brutally hot out, so the few miles I’m getting feel like more bang for the buck. Running in the heat is double duty on the heart; one for the run, two for the internal cooling.

There was a half mile stretch the other night where things came together. Warmed up, legs felt great, sun beating down, and settled in at my 10:30-ish per mile pace, which I am not usually doing. I’m puttering along most of the time, really, as I don’t want to press, and wipe myself out after every run – life is hard enough already!

But yeah, that little half mile section felt good. Settled in, accepted the discomfort, eyes on the prize, chest up, and yeah, got it done.

Today’s run at the nature preserve didn’t have the same vibe, but it was a lot more climbing, which felt good. I didn’t run much of it, but I got the heart rate up, saw some buffalo, and got home without destroying myself. Felt good to have all that under control.

FEELING STUCK

Via @NXHLVS

I don’t know how I had the energy to make daily loops in early 2021, or weekly Goodnight, Metal Friend mixes, or live audio streams a few nights a week.

It takes all the energy I can muster to get out for a run or a bike ride most evenings. Creating or making things is absolultey the hardest thing right now. Fuck, even trying to keep writing blog posts is hard, like this one.

But right now those runs and bike rides are enough. I’m not “creating content” like I used to, for other people to enjoy. I’m getting my butt outside, and off the computer, and just staying in the present moment enough to get the blood flowing.

Everything is hard right now, so I’m just trying my best to keep a bit of softness in my life, and not try to beat myself up for not being the most creative, or productive person right now.

MUSTER WHAT YOU CAN

Had two great talks this past week with two folks doing creative, vibrant work.

This after Tweeting less, posting less, and sending out one of my HEAVY METAL EMAIL newsletters after a month or two hiatus.

So often I think my words just disappear into the void, that I’m a horrible writer, that I should “write better copy” to get more work, and all the other shit you read from people who achieved success and think their method is the right method.

This is a weird spot to be in – not publicly posting things, sharing the work, whatever. But in these trying times, it’s all I can muster.

KEEP CALM, FUCK OFF

Is there a better example of “the show must go on” than this?

Via NPR

There was a missile attack SEVEN MILES from the track, but the teams and organizers met for hours and decided to race anyways.

A MISSILE ATTACK.

I could hardly work on January 6th, 2021 during the fucking insurrection, yet the work world couldn’t stop. “Please ignore the attack on the Capitol building, answer emails, get on that Zoom call.”

Another example of everyone going “this is fine” and carrying while the entire world is in flames, sometimes literally.

I AM SAD NOW

One of the things I told a friend was that I knew Taylor Hawkins more for his smile than his drumming. Now, of course, he was a fantastic drummer. But I ever video I saw of him, or photo, he was beaming. That smile was always there. It looks so whole and pure, grateful and affirming.

God dammit, it’s horrible to see him gone from this earth so soon. Just 50 years old.

DON’T WAIT

I love this quote from ‘monday monday‘ by Marlee Grace:

“Don’t wait to feel better to write your newsletter, record your podcast, paint your painting. If we wait we will never know the outcome, the one we are waiting to be pleasantly surprised by.”

God dammit I’ve been waiting. Waiting for downtime that never comes. Waiting for the decompression that never arrives. Waiting for a bit of exhale, a sigh of relief, and it’s just never there.

Self employment means you get to work on everything all the time – finances, taxes, marketing, writing, planning, emailing, organizing, health care, and every other god damn thing under the sun. That also means my entire schedule is mine, so my afternoon walks and evening strolls just means my work gets pushed back and then I’m still working on stuff until 8pm.

And as much as I don’t want to wait, and I want to work on some new organizational system, or re-write an SOP for a VA, or try a new automation in Airtable, or spend 30 minutes stretching, or go on a run, a bike ride, a walk… sometimes playing Mario Kart 8 till 11pm is just the right thing to do.

ON A ROAD TO NOWHERE

Cancelled my co-working spot because, well, COVID. We’re heading towards 30,000 new cases per day. My friend’s uncle is in the ICU with COVID, and had to wait six hours for a hospital bed. Just gonna lay low a bit, I think.

Made a for-real website for Goodnight, Metal Friend using Notion and Super, and I love it. Been streaming live on Blast Radio. Been doing some live stream office hours for HEAVY METAL EMAIL. Trying to find a use for Ghost.

FIVE TOPICS I CAN TALK ABOUT FOR 30 MINUTES

  1. Email Marketing – I mean, it’s a major part of what I do for a living with CLOSE MONDAYS, and I started a newsletter called HEAVY METAL EMAIL for “metal folks who want to start an email list.” So yeah, I could talk for an hour about this.
  2. Running – though I’ve only been running nearly every other day (or so) since July of 2016, ran a bunch of races, got advice some great people, coached by the great Grayson Murphy in 2019 / 2020 for a marathon that I never ran because of COVID!
  3. Bikes – I left my Williamsburg, Brooklyn apartment in August of 2010 with a messenger bag and some clothes taped to my handle bars. Rode all the way to Rutherford, NJ. Then kept going, crashing on friend’s couches, all the way to Albuquerque, NM (via a lot of buses). Also traveled by Brompton and train from Miami, FL to Portland, ME. That’s just scratching the surface.
  4. Music blogging – I’m where I’m at in life right now because I started a music blog in 2001, so heck yeah, I can riff on writing, friendships, interviews, gossip, life before social media, all that good stuff.
  5. Growing up in the 80s – the movies, buying a Poison record at a drugstore, the bikes, the toys, the technology… my goodness, what a time to have lived.

A COLORFUL MATRIX

Watched the new Matrix for the sixth time last night, this time with my roomie, and they asked something that got me thinking; if I were a character in the Matrix, how what would be my wardrobe?

Five years ago I probably would have said all black and be done with it, but now I’m not so sure.

Besides Switch, Morpheus seems to be more my style. The most colorful.

And the new Morpheus? Wow.

“This Morpheus is a newborn, discovering who he is. So he wants to try out the suits, the body, different fighting styles even different sunglasses. He’s having a ball with freedom of choice,”

Abdul-Mateen via USA Today

As I said, years ago it would have been all black everything, all the time. But now I have yellow glasses, lots of blues and reds. Oh snap. My jacket is the same color as Morpheus above.

My first foray into adding more color to my life was when I started going to the gym, and being around a lot of masculine energy. Men’s locker rooms are a… vibe, which I’m not really all that into. So when I needed a new gym bag, I bought this North Face bag.

Green! Purple! Pink!

Every other gym bag I found was just plain and boring.

In the past few years, I’m trying to avoid plain and boring, I guess.

I’m turning 46 in 2022, like a fireball to 50. Dammit.

So maybe not an awaking from the Matrix, and the red goo, with the flush and grab.

Just maybe a bit more vibrancy in my digital self image here in the real world.