Some days I just don’t feel like a hard run. I don’t feel tough, or strong. I just want to be… soft.
I want to stop and take photos. I want to kick up pine needles so I can breathe in that wonderful smell. I want to just, stop, and appreciate the clouds and the sky.
A lot of times I just want to be in nature, but a little faster than walking. A shuffle, a jog, and that’s okay. Every run is not a race, and every run doesn’t have to be training. A run, like a walk, can be just because.
Work processes, funds, bills, invoices, filing receipts… generally the stuff to figure and manage on the weekends after working all week on work stuff.
Weekends have been good for this, though, as the flow of incoming requests goes to zero, and I can focus and get these important things done. If I don’t do them, they don’t get done.
A long walk helps. Heck, on Friday I ducked out for three short runs. I say “duck out” like I work full-time for some big company, but I’ve been a freelancer since 2006 and still feel like I’m getting away with something when I walk away from my computer for more than 30 minutes.
But I had my running shoes on, and when it was time to get the mail, I guess I just took the long way. Instead of refilling my coffee and nuking it for 45 seconds, in which I’d be able to walk to the mailbox and back just in time to hear the beeping microwave, I put on my sunglasses and cruised around the back road and alleys for a mile or so, just getting the heart going and the feet shuffling.
Fitting in these moments – just like the work stuff described above – just has to happen, as easily and as frictionless and scrolling through Instagram for 12 minutes.
Since Trump was diagnosed with COVID-19 (or was he?!), it’s been harder to focus. I mean, everything has been batshit crazy, but now? Now the leader of the free world has a virus that has killed over 200,000 Americans. I mean, aside from the Nelson-esque “AH HA,” this is some serious shit. Like, what if our adversaries were to strike? What if a major earth quake were to happen? What if some major electrical grid went down?
Leadership is bad enough at the moment, but them compound with that?
So it’s just been more unease. Like, working from home and all, or when going to sleep at night, you just sort of figure, hey, grown ups are in charge, and they’re handling things.
But more and more it just feels like that’s not the case, which makes it hard to focus on much of anything at the moment.
Sure, I’ve seen the news. Even if I didn’t check the news, alerts pop up on my phone. Friends message me. Today was quite a day for that.
Years ago I thought of the music media business as driving up a never ending mountain, with bosses in the back seat yelling to go faster.
That still exists, I guess, but now it’s on the consumer to keep ingesting everything. Put your phone down for 15 minutes and you could miss a big Tweet, a new update, a leak, some source coming out, a video, audio, so many things!
Keeping up is a full time job, on top of our full time jobs, of which we already have many. It’s not enough to have the work that we do, but also the work of not contracting a super-deadly virus. The work of staying away from people, only going out when we need. And it’s even overwhelming all the fund raisers going on, the organizations we need to support, the art and music that that we want to nurture.
I always come back to this; I can’t save the world. If I do one thing today, that’s enough. And if I don’t, well, that’s nobodies business. We’re all here to do what we’re all here to do. And that’s enough for today. Tomorrow? Hell, that’s not even here yet.
I have a race this weekend. A for-real race, with other people. A field of about 70 people, starting in waves according to age or elite status. This week I’m taking it easy, as I’ve been pushing the miles the last few months, and now I’m letting the muscles and bones heal up nice and good. I want to be “undercooked” as my coach once told me. Better to be over-rested than burnt out before a race.
Been thinking a lot about habits, goals, energy, side-projects. I’ve sort of been bummed that I haven’t done a creative side thing in awhile, like music or art. But I’ve absolutely been pulled to running.
It keeps me outside. It breaks up the days. I can experience a cold morning, or get out on a busy trail in the evening and see a bunch of dogs. I can run when it’s hot out, or when it’s raining. I can run in new places, new towns, new trails, with new people.
Like, right now making music isn’t going to do that for me. I still love music, and listening, and discovering music, hell, I WORK IN MUSIC.
But right now, as a hobby, or a way to unwind? It’s just not there for me… right now.
God, that’s so much with all of this.
I don’t feel like making music.. right now. I don’t feel like making videos… right now.
Maybe someday I will. For right now, I need to do some stretching.